My testes did indeed get bigger, along with a few other relevant body parts, and life took on new meaning. My goals and interests changed in concert with hormonal changes delivered by my endocrine system. A few years earlier, comic books provided me all the entertainment I needed. But by the end of seventh grade, I wondered how much a pretty home room classmate would ripen over the summer, giving me a reason to look forward to returning back to school. Indeed, she ripened as I had hoped, but unfortunately so did my urges, which would remain unfulfilled for years. There wasn’t much of a market for boys who were bad at sports and had crooked teeth and acne.
Back then, the passage of time meant progress: taller, stronger, bigger testes. And then suddenly time going by became a negative. My body entered a period of stasis lasting through my college years, and then a gradual decline set in.
I’ve fought the battle against aging with determination and resolve. I maintain a high fiber diet, as evidenced by my daily intake of prune juice. I exercise. I try to keep a positive attitude. Being Jewish helps, as millennia of suffering have allowed our people to develop an inherent cheerful pessimism, as displayed by an old Jewish joke: A telegram arrives with the following message: start worrying, details to follow.
There is much still to look forward to. Thank goodness I remembered to stock up on prune juice.