One: Winter Break from school. I don’t care what anyone says: school is a gigantic pain, perhaps even worse for parents, since we have to do all the driving and help with homework.
Two: Socks and Underwear for Hanukah: Jews rock!
Three: The College Football Season is (Mostly) over. Alright, maybe not everyone will agree with me on this one. Although I am generally a sports fan, I find college football a gigantic waste of time and energy. Can someone explain why the coaches get paid millions and the players don’t see a dime? Oh, right, so they can make big money in the pros before they blowout a knee at age 24.
Four: Jolly drunks. I have a friend on the East Coast whose next-door-neighbor is an angry, belligerent alcoholic. But come Yuletide, said neighbor is filled with good cheer. Eggnog does that for a person.
Five: (Next year’s) New Year’s resolutions. Second marriages are said to be the triumph of hope over experience. So too is the belief that next year we will lose ten pounds or stop wasting so much time watching funny cat videos, even though the last time we attempted such a heroic self-transformation, it ended in failure.
Six: Vacations. Sure, they are over-priced and every single family member goes through at least one meltdown while on a trip. But we get to spend time together, arguing over where to eat dinner.
Seven: Other People’s Vacations. Unless you belong in the group of 14 persons who love all of humanity, the people you dislike will be out of town.
Eight: Money. You never have enough of it in any month, but in December you won’t care.
Nine: Bad television. The need for near-constant video entertainment (see funny cat videos above) coincides with a drastic reduction in taste and aesthetic judgment. A Very Brady Christmas, anyone?
Ten: Sex. If you have one of those long-term relationships where sexual activity has diminished to about once a year, then this is the month you are most likely to get some action.
Happy December, everyone!